20 Ways To Annoy Fellow Surfers

1. Steal surfers’ keys from underneath their wheel arches and throw them off a nearby cliff

2. When surfers’ expose their bare bottoms in the car park stare at them and touch your Jolly Roger as they get changed.

3. When surfers’ expose their bare bottoms while changing in the car park, kindly offer to help dry their private parts.

4. When you drive past a group of surfers, throw rubbish at them.

5. If you stumble across a surfers’ bag filled with their clothing on the beach, set fire to it and perform a racist dance around it.

6. When someone successfully performs a tricky surfing manoeuvre in front of you, laugh at them out loud.

7. When the same person paddles back out, laugh at them again.

8. If you are lucky enough to share the beach with a pro surfer and a photographer – kick the photographer’s tripod over and throw sand at him.

9. When the surfer isn’t looking, kick all of his fins out.

10. Empty your rubbish bin into the sea and on the beach.

11. Whilst at a surfing contest, ignore all of the rules and paddle out to where the competitors are sitting. Then, as they surf past you try and put them off by insulting their families and using coarse language.

12. Pour petrol on all of the surfers’ cars and set fire to them.

13. Go to the beach, find a waiting surfers’ girlfriend and make love to her.

14. Whilst out back cut surfers’ leashes without them noticing and laugh at them as they swim for their boards after wiping out.

15. When meeting a fellow surf board rider for the first time, throw out an intricate hand shake requiring lots of hand-on-hand contact then tell them you just did your big jobs and didn’t wash your hands.

16. Paddle up to a female surfer and say ‘shouldn’t you be on the street corner, love?’

17. Take a beginner surfer and force him to go out in dangerous conditions without him knowing what the consequences are.

18. If you’re a female surfer, scream for help out back, when a male surfer tries to help you, cry ‘rape!’

19. When the ordeal is over call the police and claim he sexually assaulted you.

20. When surfing in board shorts pull them down and do big jobs in the middle of the pack and push your faeces in the direction of other water users.