Whomp Mag

Yes, indeed…this is a post. It seems that Whomp has been majorly neglected again…but fear not – here is a lovely portfolio of piccies for yo’ ass..taken by the wonderful Sara Sani – go here and look at her stuff…

Sorry, I haven’t been on the website much. Statistics say you lot would rather look at the facebookpage, which is well worth liking!

I’ve been busy too trying to research sexy women from the olden days for a new regular called ‘When they were sexy!’ This is  Laszlo Willinger from the 30′s…sexy, no?

Anyway, have you bought issue 1 of Whomp yet?

The bad news is, you lot cleared us out of all our Whomp’s. We sold out. Poof! Gone…

The good news is, we printed a load more to put an end to all of the nagging from certain individuals and, obviously, to give all of y’all who didn’t purchase a copy another chance of owning one. So, what are you waiting for, head here to grab yours now!

Ladies and Gentlemen.

Welcome to the only post ever to be made on the 30th of January 2012! How are you enjoying it so far?

I’m not doing very well at the moment. I have Seasonal Affective Disorder, or S.A.D for short. This means I am feeling less sexy than usual and I am more cranky and negative about things like waiting, updating the Whomp blog, loosing my possessions and breaking expensive objects.

On the flip side. Whomp 1 sold out! As predicted, it was a massive success and because of huge demand, I have decided to do a limited print run so that all of the fools who didn’t buy one, now can.

In other news I have been trying to track down issue 1′s cover star. He doesn’t know he has the cover and I think it would make his day. He was last seen eating a french fries in Padang, Indonesia. I do not know his name and as the photo was taken a year ago, I’m sure he has swollen a little more.

He looks something like this fella:

What else? Nothing else. Help find the cover star for issue 1. He needs to know he has page 1.

HIYA!

Sorry…facebook’s fault again – blame them for squeezing the life out of blog sites. It’s just so quick and easy on there, you know? Well, I’m not going to say happy new year again – just because I feel now, on the 10th January, we are far enough in 2012 to not feel obligated to say this. You don’t say Happy Birthday 12 days after someone’s actual date of birth now, do you?

Ok…what’s news? Not much here. Whomp issue 1 flew out of the door quicker than a rat up a drain pipe. But fear not, there are some copies left – just click here to purchase one. It’s amazing. It’s fucking amazing in fact. Buy one. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.

Some of you older followers will notice the absence of Junk Mailing the Junk Mailer; well, it’s not dead. We’re hoping it will come back – in fact, just today I dipped into my spam box to see what delights awaited. The following titles really caught my eye;

• Nothing beats a huge stick
• Americans proud to grown an extra inch
• Progress from love guru to sex magnet
• You know she loves it when she wants it every night after your size got bigger.
• Be the Pied Piper of chicks
• Give her more of your love rod
• Jamie Lynn is a bigger slut than Britney

 Anyway, gotta go – I left my T.V out in the rain again.

P.S. Here’s a photo of Andy Fordham throwing an arrow.

HOW MUCH FUN IS IT WRITING IN CAPS? SO AWESOME! IT LOOKS LIKE I’M YELLING WHEN IN REALITY I AM WHISPERING QUIETLY BECAUSE MY THROAT IS A LITTLE SORE FROM ALL OF THE SHOUTING I HAVE BEEN DOING LATELY. SHOUTING IS JUST PLAIN AWESOME TOO…YOU SHOULD TRY IT SOMETIME. ANYWAY, HAPPY NEW YEAR MUVAFUCKAS…HERE’S A COOL FILM FOR YOU PLUS A PHOTO OF SOMEONE WE DO NOT KNOW. LOTS OF LOVE

This chap. Well done you! You win nothing but the adoration and respect of the entire human race.

Dan Cates is a skateboarder from Harrow and spends his time lurking around deprived spots in places like Russia, the Ukraine and here, in the UK – photographing and skating. Just check these photos if you don’t believe us. Anyway, here’s his video part in Death Skateboards ‘Escape From Boredom.’

This is my good mate Willy. We were both up in Scotland recently to write/shoot about a surfing contest that was happening up there and we had the pleasure of sharing a hire car together during our stay. Most of the time we had to be at the event, however, in between it was all about drinking ale in the hotel bar and spending hours in the rain videoing water drops dripping off leaves ‘n shit. For those of you who don’t know; Willy is the man who helped film Mickey Smith’s short, The Dark Side of the Lens. He is also the brains behind this awesome little vid too – which, incidentally is it’s second appearance on this site! Since it was posted, the fucker has had over 70,000 views – most of them as a result of it being up on here. Yeah Willy!

Here are some more photos from the Scotland trip – and of the man himself.

 (above) photo by Willy!

 More of Willy can be found here!

Yes! You read it right; we are giving away Gravis’ rouge-hot Steve Forstner skate DVD with every purchase of Whomp 1. There are only 13 days to go until Christ’s birthday so delay no longer – head to the store   and buy your loved ones this incredible book. We will then include a copy of the DVD with every purchase!*

*While stocks last etc…

Urgh…this isn’t good. I’m still feeling like utter shite after Saturday’s launch party. It was a very splendid evening though and included all manner of horseplay including medium-aggressive dancing, poetry readings and drinking. Sadly, there isn’t much of a photographic record of the night because the people who were given the responsibility of the camera found it very hard to focus the lens (this got progressively worse as the night rolled on), but nevertheless, here are a few images to give you a rough idea of what it was like. Thank you to everyone who came!

Howdeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Sorry…been away. This whole website/faceache thingy has been weighing heavily on my soul. I have neglected whompmag.com like an inherited step-child and given all my love to facebook and twitter in the last few months.  Anyway, here’s a little selection of photos I took on a trip to Spain which was recently featured in Wavelength Magazine. Who’s coming to the (post) launch?

at the end of this video, something like – the next person to land a double hardflip on a spotfocker, or whatever the hell its called – wins a spotfocker! I would’ve thought if you could land a double hardflip on a spockfucker, you would probably own already, no? Doh!

It’s tough maintaining this website – it seems that anything that we write on here of late consists of the words ‘Issue 1 is out now!’ or ‘look at this funny clip’  (by the way, issue 1 is on sale right now! Just got to Buy!  Buy!  Buy!  and hey presto, you’re just a click away from owning the maiden issue!) So, to appease you somewhat, here’s our current 5 favourite songs.

1. Gimme Shelter – The Rolling Stones

2. Folsom Prison Blues – Johnny Cash

3. Just Cant Get Enough – Depeche Mode

4. Happinesss – Alexis Jordan

5.  You Really Got Me – The Kinks

This was James Meredews portfolio – look out for more of his work here - and in Whomp 2!

We’re having a party! Check the previous post.  Even though it says ‘launch party’ on the flyer, it’s actually a ‘post launch’ party. Whomp 1 was launched weeks ago, but you all should know about that already because you will have yours by your side. The shin dig will be fun! It will be made especially so because there will be free drugs, foam, dry ice and a sexy cat show planned for all of our Cat Fetish Corner fans. Check out this little minx. What a little slut she is!

By the way, what’s your porn star name? Mine’s Toby Harper.

I knew this would come in handy. For those who don’t know: Kelly Slater became world champion for the 11th, incredible time the other day. He ‘won’ the title after beating some other dude in a heat. However, it nearly didn’t happen because if this other dude beat Slater in the heat, it meant that Kelly’s world title celebrations would go on ice until the next tour event. It was a close affair but needless to say, he beat the dude and the surfing world rejoiced at the momentous occasion which saw lots of fists pumping the air, lots of hats and t’s being distributed with KE11Y written on them and Kelly being presented with his 11th world title. While all this was happening, us awesome folk at Whomp lovingly prepared this genius piece of photoshop in the event of the other dude winning, which, didn’t happen – thus turning it into a complete waste of time. However, much to everyone’s (especially Kelly’s) surprise, the ASP announced today that due to a miscalculation of points, Kelly Slater isn’t the world champ yet as he now needs to win the next heat to accumulate the required amount of points. Our work of art stands! Unlucky Slater!

…we’re having a party to celebrate the launch of the first edition. Details of the date and the venue will be up soon. So to all of you; get yourself tarted up, wear something slutty and join us.

Hallo. How are we enjoying the first edition thus far? Thoroughly hot shit, isn’t it? Anyway, I shan’t write anything else about it– nor will I mention anything to do with the hilarious interviews with the likes of Dion Agius and the Smith twins, Jody and Leo – and those phenomenal portfolios. Oh, the portfolios!! Amazing! Anyway, enough talk about Whomp 1, have you heard this song before? It’s definitely one for us men! The artist is called ‘Soulja Boy Tell`em’ and the song is called ‘She Gotta Donk’. It currently has taken the internet by storm and has successfully managed to whip up girls across the globe into a bedroom webcam-recording frenzy. Below are examples of this. To show this site is completely equal to all men and women, scroll down to the bottom to see some hunky Greek men frolicking in the sun – what sluts they are!

I’ll make no apologies for not posting much content on the website, this is because we’ve been busier than Japanese P.O.W’s trying to get Whomp 1 launched.  I will, however, apologize for being one track-minded and only putting up posts which have been designed to get folk to buy the first issue, whether it be through the site, face-ache, Twitter or of course via the email updates. No one likes to be canvassed ‘n spammed, but it needed to be done because even though the maiden issue has already sold thousands upon thousands, we still know there are people out there who haven’t bought the mag yet! Unbelievable, I know.
(If this applies to you, we’d like to let you know that Whomp is available for purchase in the ‘Buy! Buy! Buy!’ section of the website for £8.50 plus a small fee for postage and packing. Whomp 1 is a coffee table book, packed with content, elegant-looking design and has the highest quality paper stock. At this price It is a steal, so get yours before it sells out). Now that’s out of the way, I’d like to announce that services on this website will resume as normal and soon you will be able to look forward to old favourites such as Junk Mailing The Junk Mailer and Cat Fetish Corner – as well as some new regulars!

Have I told you about the t-shirts yet? No? Silly me. Go straight to Buy! Buy! Buy! section and have a look. You’ll find them on sale beneath Whomp 1, which , if you remember is available for £8.50 + a small extra fee for postage. Demonstrating the extremely fashionable ‘Trees’ T, is  issue 1 interview subject and pro skater, Leo Smith. Note how handsome he looks, in spite of the cast on his foot, the chewing gum and sissy hat. These t-shirts are affordable and very fashionable right now.

Now available in Store! Store! Store!

Fancy winning all of this? To celebrate the impending launch of Whomp Issue 1, those lovely folks at Analog and Gravis have kindly donated some gear* for a comp. All you to do is go to our Facebook page and ‘like’ the living crap out of it. The winner will be randomly selected from our list of lovely followers and you will receive this entire clothing package and become incredibly attractive as a result.

In other news, the mag is done done done. It’s off the press and somewhere in the back of a delivery lorry in deepest darkest Wales. Keep checking back over the next few days for updates. It looks amazing!

*LOOK! SMALL PRINT!
(Some styles may change due to availability, but fear not, everything AG and Gravis make is A1.)

Nothing to do right now? Good – go immediately over to Peter-Paul de Meijer’s website. Lots of love x

Hi!

Be sure to check back here on Wednesday the 5th October at 3pm to watch an exclusive interview with ex-Vice Photo Editor Lele Saveri…

Sorry, we’ve been unbelievably shit lately – the site has been neglected like a Balinese dog and our Facebook / Twitter accounts have been ignored like a chubby virgin in a dance hall. It’s because we have a mag on its way and whenever we think it’s done, something comes up and stands in the way…like regular day jobs and stupid errors. Know whaddamean? Pah!

N.E.WAY…here’s a clip of Dane Reynolds fucking around on someone’s ironing board, I think.

…but back in a week, dewds.

When I return, the Whomp 1 will be ready to launch…

Much love!

Wow, we have been really shit at posting lately, that’s because we have a mag to finish! Well, it is finished and was about to be sent to the printers when I spotted a ridiculous mistake that would’ve made me look more of cock than you probably think I am already. Anyway, designer Rob is sorting it out as we speak and Whomp 1 will be being shipped out any day. Meanwhile, here’s another portfolio – this time by Mic Warmington – the father of previous Whomp portfolio-ist (is this right?), Adam. Please do find a minute to check out his fine work HERE!